I have done the hardest thing in my life to this point. I gave up the only thing I wanted in life and the dream iv had since I was a child. This reminds me about the verse in Matthew about giving up everything, laying your life down to follow Jesus. With that in mind here’s my story:
In the fall of 2015 I started dating. Which for me is kinda a big deal because I am a little naive and idealistic, I had never had a boyfriend before and this was a whole new experience. At the time the circumstances didn’t permit any relationships but I tend to be a rule breaker so we ignored it and started anyways. The young love was blooming and everything was roses and happy (besides the no-dating rule) and in December we had gotten quite serious and I received a promise ring. Ten months later both our living situations changed and we were now doing long distance. This was okay because we both kept busy and saw each other every couple months but of course it strained our relationship. The more months past, the more our relationship grew apart, we started fighting and giving less attention to making an effort. Now we both loved each other and cared deeply for one another but something had to change. In January I started the conversation about possibly moving or getting married but I only got resistance. Come April I was done talking about idea’s and what if’s and wanted decisions. We talked daily about this but nothing, so we decided ending our once “rose-colored glasses” relationship was the only way. I was devastated. Life seemed to end, nothing to look forward to anymore. All my plans, hopes and dreams where nothing anymore. As I worked through my grief I still held out hope that we’d get back together someday and everything would be good again.
Recently we met up to get closure and talk without letting feelings get in the way. I walked away feeling like I wanted to fight for us, this was the one thing I wanted in life and if that meant I had to fight as hard as I could, I would do whatever it took. . . But the feelings weren’t mutual. As much as I fought, I knew he would never fight for us. So I had to lay it down. My most prized possession. I had to give up my everything to choose what God had for me.
I have a good understanding of what it means to lay down your life and dreams for your walk with Christ. As we sacrifice and push the bounds of our faith we become more and more like Jesus. When I thought this was going to be the end of the world, it was just the begging for the Lord to bless me. Sometimes God wants to give us a bigger gift but we have to let go of this one in order to hold what He has for us. I know that as this relationship was once a gift, that He will give both of us both new and better gifts.