The best for me

Sometimes I learn things that change my entire being. . .this is one.

I got my travel  vaccines for Kenya and like any normal human being I didn’t pay any attention to the side affects of the vaccine. 5 hours later, the only energy I had is to ponder why I’m the one to get the side effects. I said – if I have God’s favor and I covered all my bases in prayer then why the side effects. Of all things Jesus why this?

I think God says to us in these kind of situations – Don’t you think I want the best for you? Of course I don’t want to see you in pain.

I was humbled at this kind of response. Do I always think God is out to get me? If I am His daughter, He would always, always be doing His best to keep me from troubles and hurt. So if this happened for a reason, then what do I have to learn. Maybe to learn that I thought  He wasn’t on my side in everything. To learn that even in the smallest tasks and pursuits, He wants to weave in His love and mercy.

To learn that lesson it was worth the couple hours of sickness. Because I got the vaccine, instead of the virus infecting me, the truth of God as a protector, fighter, and father can infect me instead. Let it run through my veins that He is always on my side. I hope and pray that each day we can ask ourselves what God is trying to do in the ordinary.

Sincerely

Robyn

 

 

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Giving up the one thing I wanted

I have done the hardest thing in my life to this point. I gave up the only thing I wanted in life and the dream iv had since I was a child. This reminds me about the verse in Matthew about giving up everything, laying your life down to follow Jesus. With that in mind here’s my story:

In the fall of 2015 I started dating. Which for me is kinda a big deal because I am a little naive and idealistic, I had never had a boyfriend before and this was a whole new experience. At the time the circumstances didn’t permit any relationships but I tend to be a rule breaker so we ignored it and started anyways. The young love was blooming and everything was roses and happy (besides the no-dating rule) and in December we had gotten quite serious and I received a promise ring. Ten months later both our living situations changed and we were now doing long distance. This was okay because we both kept busy and saw each other every couple months but of course it strained our relationship. The more months past, the more our relationship grew apart, we started fighting and giving less attention to making an effort. Now we both loved each other  and cared deeply for one another but something had to change. In January I started the conversation about possibly moving or getting married but I only got resistance. Come April I was done talking about idea’s and what if’s and wanted decisions. We talked daily about this but nothing, so we decided ending our once “rose-colored glasses” relationship was the only way. I was devastated. Life seemed to end, nothing to look forward to anymore. All my plans, hopes and dreams where nothing anymore. As I worked through my grief I still held out hope that we’d get back together someday and everything would be good again.
Recently we  met up to get closure and talk without letting feelings get in the way. I walked away feeling like I wanted to fight for us, this  was the one thing I wanted in life and if that meant I had to fight as hard as I could, I would do whatever it took. . . But the feelings weren’t mutual. As much as I fought, I knew he would never fight for us. So I had to lay it down. My most prized possession. I had to give up my everything to choose what God had for me.
I have a good understanding of what it means to lay down your life and  dreams for your walk with Christ. As we sacrifice and push the bounds of our faith we become more and more like Jesus. When I thought this was going to be the end of the world, it was just the begging for the Lord to bless me. Sometimes God wants to give us a bigger gift but we have to let go of this one in order to hold what He has for us. I know that as this relationship was once a gift, that He will give both of us both new and better gifts.
Sincerly
Robyn